I have a problem which I identified recently. I knew I had this problem for quite a long time, but somehow, I was never able to identify it till now. And anyone else who suffers from similar situations will sympathize with me for sure.
Our school has a system of roll numbers, like most schools. Whenever there’s a speaking test, we are called according to our roll numbers, and then we are tested. Let me tell you about yesterday, when we were evaluated in speaking French. I’ll narrate in the form of yesterday’s diary entry.
Today we had our French speaking test of ten marks. I am roll number five. The first three roll numbers went smoothly, one of them spoke excellent french, and the other two didn’t. Then came roll number four, who is just before me. Then a curious thing started happening to me. It happens to me every time that I speak or perform in front of an audience. And it happened then, as I was waiting for my test. It started with my knees shaking and becoming unsteady. The words that the teacher spoke next, were like a dagger to me. “Aliyah, its your turn now. Come and read out a paragraph from your textbook.” And that moment, I was really like . . . . . “Oh my god, how will I speak now? What if I make a mistake?” And then it became worse. As I stood up from my chair, my hands stuck to my sides, and I took wobbly steps towards the front of the class. I asked the teacher if I could read out just to her, and not to the whole class. I was afraid of being distracted by the faces who were all staring intently at me. I was very conscious of that fact. But the teacher didn’t allow me. “You have to read out to the whole class, so that they are able to hear you clearly,” she said. And that was it. As I picked up my textbook, and turned the pages, I was even more alarmed to find my hands trembling wildly. I’m sure that I spoke in a very inaudible voice. During my Social Science presentation, I spoke well, as the teacher said, but I wasn’t assertive and persuasive enough. And I could hardly be heard, my teacher told me. Then its my habit, to always walk with my hands stuck to my sides. I’m too shy by nature, and very antisocial, and timid and unconfident too. I don’t talk to people much, and I’m always scared. Also, I’m worried that this creates a negative impression on the people I interact with.
I hope I can overcome this problem soon, before its too late. I know that I, and I alone, can solve this problem of mine.