Merciless

I have exploded my mind
On the tender interwoven fibers of my paper.
That absorb my emotions- as if though
My soul is an endless well of water.
I have saved a life, maybe it is mine-
By moving a burden from my heart-
The burden of living life.
Words intertwine
like bare branches on a windy day
And horses gallop through the landscape
like thunder- and the trees feel lightening.

I have shared my happiness
With the paper as my friend.
Every moment that defines me
has been recorded in this memoir.
Illegibly, maybe- but understandably.
My ups and down, what if I fail?
That is every human’s
greatest fear. But you have to learn
to get over it. I will fall
otherwise I can’t get up. My head in the
highest clouds. I have entered
an infinity. Feels uplifting.

I have reached a crossroad. Where my vehicle
stops with a start. Revving up the engine
is fruitless. I am stuck. Stuck in the middle of
blaring horns, of some mediocre phase of life
that I came upon by chance.
I am stuck. Stuck, in the arms of another
who never understood me. I am stuck.
Stuck in the anger brought on by unfairness.
Sometimes it feels like I’m
deceiving myself. Telling myself lies
to believe I am the best.
But does it matter? That those lies I tell
they turn into truths
because they make me happy, after all.
Anytime soon,
The truth does not seem pacifying.

I have seen what it’s like.
To be left alone, excluded.
Be the ‘new kid’ at school.
So I confide in words. I write
to feel what it is like, to live
without fear. A tiny tear
drops down, a small damp spot
on my floral-patterned dress.
the one my grandmother sewed
staring out the window at pouring rain.
And so I put pen to paper
The pen is my weapon
to diminish my enemies, rescue my allies
and restore the gift of living life.
Around me I hear crying, but I am smiling.

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